Stop Apologizing for Who You Already Were: What do you do with a child who has a lot of self-doubt?

What do you do with a child who has a lot of self-doubt?

Stop judging them.

I am just being honest, for real, and transparent—whether you like my truth as a professional or not.

What happens when the people around you repeatedly make you feel embarrassed for being yourself?

The hair.

The ideas.

The language.

The enthusiasm.

The curiosity.

The way you see the world.

Eventually, you start doing the policing for them.

And that's when something significant happens.

You stop asking, “Why are they judging me?”

And you start asking, “What's wrong with me?”

That shift can be devastating.

When people repeatedly make fun of the way you express yourself, especially when those people are close to you, they can teach you to start monitoring yourself before anyone else gets the chance.

You start thinking about how you're going to sound before you speak.

You second-guess your words.

You edit your reactions.

You become hyperaware of how you're coming across.

You may even begin to silence parts of yourself—not because you've decided you don't want to express them, but because you've learned that being fully yourself might invite criticism, ridicule, or rejection.

Eventually, you don't need them to tell you to tone it down.

You do it yourself.

That's the danger of repeated criticism.

The person doesn't have to be in the room anymore.

Their voice can become your voice.

It becomes hard to hear whose voice it is. You think it is my voice; but that shift turns the tables and you didn't even know it.

"Is this too much?"

"Does this sound crazy?"

"Are they going to make fun of me?"

"Should I keep this idea to myself?"

And I want to separate something very clearly:

Being imaginative is not the same thing as being ridiculous.

Your hair choices don't need a committee. 😂

Your curiosity doesn't need a committee.

Your ideas don't need a committee.

And neither does your way of seeing the world.

I know this one personally.

Part of my job as a clinician is understanding people and relationships through a professional lens. And for a long time, I watched people roll their eyes at that.

"Christen and her psycho-babble."

I can laugh about it now.

But I also understand how dismissive that can feel when you're genuinely trying to understand people, relationships, and what is happening beneath the surface.

Sometimes the very things people make fun of are the things that have always been a part of you.

The way you think.

The way you notice things.

The way you ask questions.

The way you make meaning of the world.

And when those things are repeatedly criticized, you can learn to silence yourself before anyone else has the opportunity to do it.

That's the part I want you to pay attention to.

Don't let other people's inability to understand you become your internal voice.

I see this with my clients sometimes.

They'll bring an idea somewhere and immediately follow it with:

"Does this look crazy?"

And sometimes the answer is simply:

No. You had an idea.

We can evaluate whether the idea is strategic, timely, financially worthwhile, or worth your energy without attacking the person who had the idea.

That's a HUGE distinction.

So if I come in tomorrow and say:

"I think The Contact Continuum™ could eventually be translated into Spanish."

I don't need someone to say:

“Girl, here you go again.”

😂

I need someone to say:

“Interesting. Let's put that on the future-expansion board.”

Because the goal isn't to make you less of yourself.

It's to help you become more intentional about yourself.

And frankly?

The woman who can say, “I have an idea!” without immediately being ashamed that she had one is a woman I want to see succeed.

So keep the hair.

Keep the ideas.

Keep the curiosity.

Keep the “psycho-babble.”

We'll just make sure the psycho-babble has a business plan when necessary. 😂

Because there is something powerful about turning an experience that once made you question yourself into something that helps somebody else recognize what happened to them.

Maybe healing isn't always about becoming someone new.

Maybe sometimes healing is finally giving yourself permission to stop apologizing for who you already were.

Sometimes healing isn't learning to become someone new. Sometimes it's finally giving yourself permission to stop apologizing for who you already were.

You Don't Have to Become Someone Else

If you've spent years questioning yourself, second-guessing your ideas, or shrinking parts of who you are to avoid criticism, it may be time to take a closer look at the voices you've been carrying.

At Centered, we explore relationships, boundaries, access, and the patterns that shape how we connect—with others and with ourselves.

You don't have to become someone new to heal. You may simply need to stop apologizing for who you already were.

Explore The Contact Continuum™ and begin thinking differently about connection, boundaries, and access.

Start getting centered.

About Christen J. Yassin, LCSW-C

Christen J. Yassin, LCSW-C, is a therapist, author, and creator of The Contact Continuum™, a trauma-informed framework for understanding relationships, boundaries, and levels of contact.

Through her clinical work, writing, and workshops, Christen helps people understand themselves more deeply, recognize relationship patterns, and create healthier connections without losing themselves in the process.

She is the founder of Centered, the home of The Contact Continuum™.

Sometimes healing isn't about becoming someone new. Sometimes it's about finding your way back to yourself.