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What does power actually look like? If you asked most people, they'd describe something loud. Walking into a room and taking it over. Never backing down. Never doubting yourself for a second. That's the version we've been sold—power as performance. Here's what I don't think we talk about enough: Sometimes power looks like sitting at your computer, reading an email, realizing “That's not what I asked for,” and not abandoning yourself just to keep somebody else comfortable. I h

Have you ever looked at something that just happened and thought: “Wait—that’s not what I asked for.” And then immediately followed it with: Maybe I’m misunderstanding. Maybe I’m being too demanding. Maybe I should just let it go. Maybe I’m being difficult. Or maybe you grew up hearing things like that. Maybe you were in a long-term relationship where your partner repeatedly told you that you were “being difficult.” Maybe you've had experiences with family, friendships, cowor

You either have a relationship with someone—or you don't. That's how we've been taught to think about it. You're close, or you're estranged. You forgive, or you cut them off. You let someone in, or you shut the door completely. Even when you think about your own family, for example, we can fall into all-or-nothing thinking. We might be close with our immediate family and become distant from our extended family instead of finding ways to integrate the two. It becomes all or no

I know you are struggling with this relationship. It is a close relationship—one that is supposed to naturally care for you, nurture you, help you understand yourself, and guide you into the world. And perhaps the hardest part is that you keep waiting for that person to become who you need them to be. But what if they aren't that person? One of the most painful forms of neglect isn't always the neglect we can see. Sometimes it's emotional. It's the absence of affection, encou

What do you do with a child who has a lot of self-doubt? Stop judging them. I am just being honest, for real, and transparent—whether you like my truth as a professional or not. What happens when the people around you repeatedly make you feel embarrassed for being yourself? The hair. The ideas. The language. The enthusiasm. The curiosity. The way you see the world. Eventually, you start doing the policing for them. And that's when something significant happens. You stop askin

One of the things I have come to understand about relationships is that they don't always stay the same. People change. Circumstances change. Responsibilities change. And sometimes, we change. Our capacity changes. Our priorities change. Our understanding of ourselves changes. And as we heal, the way we experience and participate in relationships can change too. This is one of the reasons I created the Contact Continuum™. The Contact Continuum™ isn't about putting someone int

You Don't Have to Lose Yourself to Love the People You Love There is something I have been thinking about lately. Sometimes the people we love come home, and even when we are happy to have them there, our entire rhythm changes. I am experiencing that right now. My son is home, and I love him. I have missed him. I am grateful to have him back. And yet, if I am being completely honest, the transition has been harder than I expected. Because while he was away, I had a rhythm. I

“I’m Tired. I’m Exhausted. Would You Please Stop Talking?” Have you ever been talking to someone and suddenly noticed yourself taking a deep breath? You feel like something is being pulled out of you. So you take a deep breath, hoping it will replenish you. It doesn't. But you take the deep breath anyway. Not because you are physically tired. Because you are emotionally tired. You may find yourself thinking: I can't do this right now. I don't have anything left. Would you ple

You Don't Have to Abandon Yourself to Stay Connected I must say, first and foremost, I am thoroughly enjoying writing to you—sharing my thoughts, feelings, and the things I have learned throughout my work with people. I am interested in authenticity. I think it is important to be true to yourself in order to be true to others. When we aren't honest with ourselves about who we are, what we need, what we feel, or what we can realistically give, it becomes difficult to show up a

You Can't Make Someone Self-Aware Many years ago, I had a client say something to me that I have never forgotten. He looked at me and said: “I'm not broken.” I remember the moment because, given the circumstances that had brought him into therapy, the statement caught me completely off guard. As a therapist, I remember thinking: Why are you here? Not because I believed that people have to be “broken” to need therapy. They don't. Therapy isn't about proving that something is w

Stop talking about them. I know. It sounds harsh. And honestly? It feels good to talk about them—especially when they have wronged you for so many years. Wronged you to the point of shifting your family dynamics. Wronged you to the point of shaping your role in the family. Wronged you to the point of damaging your relationships with other family members. Wronged you to the point of severing friendships and changing the dynamics of an entire shared social circle. There can be