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What happens when you discover that someone you've trusted has deceived you? Maybe you find out they lied. Maybe you discover they left out important information. Maybe you realize that what you thought was happening wasn't actually what was happening. Maybe the story you've been given doesn't quite match the facts. And suddenly, you're left with a question that can be surprisingly difficult to answer: What do I do with this information now? Because discovering deception does

Sounds like a soap opera, right? 😂 Well, trust me—the title brings some truth to the experience if you've ever been in a relationship with someone who repeatedly uses deception to modify how you think about them, what you believe happened, or even what you believe is happening. Because at some point, deception can become more than simply telling a lie. It can become a way of managing perception. And when that happens, the question becomes much bigger than: “Did they lie to m

Note to Reader: This is not a blog about diagnosing. It is a discussion of clinical framing and an exploration of deception from a clinical perspective rather than as a personality trait or label. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please seek out a qualified mental health clinician for appropriate assessment and treatment. First of all, I think this topic is important to talk about because many of us have experienced deception and may not h

Sometimes the problem isn't that you don't love someone anymore. It's that you don't have the emotional bandwidth to give them the same level of access. Have you ever had someone in your life and thought: I love this person. But at the same time: I just can't do this right now. Maybe you don't want to have another conversation. Maybe you don't have the energy to explain yourself again. Maybe their calls feel like one more thing you have to manage. Maybe you genuinely care abo

Good morning, readers! I am happy you are joining me for another conversation about deception. It’s a big topic, especially when we consider relationships and the Contact Continuum™. Here’s a recap of where we left off: Deception is a behavior. It is not, by itself, a diagnosis. And that brings us to a much broader question: What does deception actually look like in relationships? Clinically, deception is more complex than simply telling a lie. It can involve the intentional

Good morning, readers! Here we are again. These blogs about Deception are heavy lifts, so I hope my buddies’ staying power remains with me. We’ve spent some time talking about deception—what it is, how it can show up in relationships, and how patterns of deception can affect trust, informed decision-making, emotional safety, and access. But now I want to take the conversation one step further. Because there is a question that often comes up when we believe someone may be dece

Sometimes pulling back from people isn't about not caring. Sometimes it's about not having anything left to give. Have you ever gotten to a point where you didn't want to talk to anyone? Not because you were angry. Not because you stopped loving people. Not because you wanted to disappear forever. You just... didn't have it. You didn't want another conversation. You didn't want to explain yourself. You didn't want to answer another question. You didn't want to process someone

Good morning, readers! We've been talking about deception for a while now. We've talked about lying. We've talked about omission. We've talked about concealment. We've talked about The Mask—what happens when deception becomes more than something someone does and becomes part of the reality they present to other people. But there is another word that comes up frequently when we talk about relationships where someone's version of events seems to continually conflict with our ow

Remember the moment of reconciliation. It can feel almost magical. It can feel surreal—like, Is this really happening right now? After everything that had happened, after the distance, the hurt, the unanswered questions, and the time apart, there we were. Together again. For families who have experienced estrangement, reconciliation can feel like finally reaching the other side. You may have spent months or even years wondering if you would ever speak again, sit together agai

People naturally experience emotions and feelings. That's part of being human. The issue isn't whether you have emotions. The issue is what you do with them. Do you react to them? Or do you respond to them? That distinction matters. We are living in a time when people can move very quickly toward No Contact. Someone says something we don't like. Someone hurts our feelings. Someone crosses a line. We're angry. We're done. No Contact. But sometimes, before you make that decisio

Leaving a heated conversation ≠ ending the relationship. Leaving the room ≠ abandoning the person. Taking space ≠ No Contact. Refusing to participate in an argument ≠ refusing to have a relationship. Changing the conditions of access ≠ cutting someone off. Let's think about this list. We can leave a heated conversation. And knowing when to leave is an important relationship skill. Sometimes we need to leave a situation without leaving the relationship. That distinction matter

Someone is yelling at you. Their voice is getting louder. They're angry. They're accusing you of things. Maybe they're saying things that aren't true. Maybe they're saying things that hurt. And every part of you wants to react. Don't. At least—not yet. Or sometimes you could be coming in with good intention and set the tone. You politely ask the person “let’s have a conversation about the situation we just had.” They accept your invitation. You set up a plan for what you w