Latest Articles 

What happens when you discover that someone you've trusted has deceived you? Maybe you find out they lied. Maybe you discover they left out important information. Maybe you realize that what you thought was happening wasn't actually what was happening. Maybe the story you've been given doesn't quite match the facts. And suddenly, you're left with a question that can be surprisingly difficult to answer: What do I do with this information now? Because discovering deception does

Sounds like a soap opera, right? 😂 Well, trust me—the title brings some truth to the experience if you've ever been in a relationship with someone who repeatedly uses deception to modify how you think about them, what you believe happened, or even what you believe is happening. Because at some point, deception can become more than simply telling a lie. It can become a way of managing perception. And when that happens, the question becomes much bigger than: “Did they lie to m

Note to Reader: This is not a blog about diagnosing. It is a discussion of clinical framing and an exploration of deception from a clinical perspective rather than as a personality trait or label. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please seek out a qualified mental health clinician for appropriate assessment and treatment. First of all, I think this topic is important to talk about because many of us have experienced deception and may not h

Sometimes the problem isn't that you don't love someone anymore. It's that you don't have the emotional bandwidth to give them the same level of access. Have you ever had someone in your life and thought: I love this person. But at the same time: I just can't do this right now. Maybe you don't want to have another conversation. Maybe you don't have the energy to explain yourself again. Maybe their calls feel like one more thing you have to manage. Maybe you genuinely care abo

Good morning, readers! I am happy you are joining me for another conversation about deception. It’s a big topic, especially when we consider relationships and the Contact Continuum™. Here’s a recap of where we left off: Deception is a behavior. It is not, by itself, a diagnosis. And that brings us to a much broader question: What does deception actually look like in relationships? Clinically, deception is more complex than simply telling a lie. It can involve the intentional

Good morning, readers! Here we are again. These blogs about Deception are heavy lifts, so I hope my buddies’ staying power remains with me. We’ve spent some time talking about deception—what it is, how it can show up in relationships, and how patterns of deception can affect trust, informed decision-making, emotional safety, and access. But now I want to take the conversation one step further. Because there is a question that often comes up when we believe someone may be dece

Sometimes pulling back from people isn't about not caring. Sometimes it's about not having anything left to give. Have you ever gotten to a point where you didn't want to talk to anyone? Not because you were angry. Not because you stopped loving people. Not because you wanted to disappear forever. You just... didn't have it. You didn't want another conversation. You didn't want to explain yourself. You didn't want to answer another question. You didn't want to process someone

Good morning, readers! We've been talking about deception for a while now. We've talked about lying. We've talked about omission. We've talked about concealment. We've talked about The Mask—what happens when deception becomes more than something someone does and becomes part of the reality they present to other people. But there is another word that comes up frequently when we talk about relationships where someone's version of events seems to continually conflict with our ow

Remember the moment of reconciliation. It can feel almost magical. It can feel surreal—like, Is this really happening right now? After everything that had happened, after the distance, the hurt, the unanswered questions, and the time apart, there we were. Together again. For families who have experienced estrangement, reconciliation can feel like finally reaching the other side. You may have spent months or even years wondering if you would ever speak again, sit together agai

People naturally experience emotions and feelings. That's part of being human. The issue isn't whether you have emotions. The issue is what you do with them. Do you react to them? Or do you respond to them? That distinction matters. We are living in a time when people can move very quickly toward No Contact. Someone says something we don't like. Someone hurts our feelings. Someone crosses a line. We're angry. We're done. No Contact. But sometimes, before you make that decisio

Leaving a heated conversation ≠ ending the relationship. Leaving the room ≠ abandoning the person. Taking space ≠ No Contact. Refusing to participate in an argument ≠ refusing to have a relationship. Changing the conditions of access ≠ cutting someone off. Let's think about this list. We can leave a heated conversation. And knowing when to leave is an important relationship skill. Sometimes we need to leave a situation without leaving the relationship. That distinction matter

Someone is yelling at you. Their voice is getting louder. They're angry. They're accusing you of things. Maybe they're saying things that aren't true. Maybe they're saying things that hurt. And every part of you wants to react. Don't. At least—not yet. Or sometimes you could be coming in with good intention and set the tone. You politely ask the person “let’s have a conversation about the situation we just had.” They accept your invitation. You set up a plan for what you w

What does power actually look like? If you asked most people, they'd describe something loud. Walking into a room and taking it over. Never backing down. Never doubting yourself for a second. That's the version we've been sold—power as performance. Here's what I don't think we talk about enough: Sometimes power looks like sitting at your computer, reading an email, realizing “That's not what I asked for,” and not abandoning yourself just to keep somebody else comfortable. I h

Have you ever looked at something that just happened and thought: “Wait—that’s not what I asked for.” And then immediately followed it with: Maybe I’m misunderstanding. Maybe I’m being too demanding. Maybe I should just let it go. Maybe I’m being difficult. Or maybe you grew up hearing things like that. Maybe you were in a long-term relationship where your partner repeatedly told you that you were “being difficult.” Maybe you've had experiences with family, friendships, cowor

You either have a relationship with someone—or you don't. That's how we've been taught to think about it. You're close, or you're estranged. You forgive, or you cut them off. You let someone in, or you shut the door completely. Even when you think about your own family, for example, we can fall into all-or-nothing thinking. We might be close with our immediate family and become distant from our extended family instead of finding ways to integrate the two. It becomes all or no

I know you are struggling with this relationship. It is a close relationship—one that is supposed to naturally care for you, nurture you, help you understand yourself, and guide you into the world. And perhaps the hardest part is that you keep waiting for that person to become who you need them to be. But what if they aren't that person? One of the most painful forms of neglect isn't always the neglect we can see. Sometimes it's emotional. It's the absence of affection, encou

What do you do with a child who has a lot of self-doubt? Stop judging them. I am just being honest, for real, and transparent—whether you like my truth as a professional or not. What happens when the people around you repeatedly make you feel embarrassed for being yourself? The hair. The ideas. The language. The enthusiasm. The curiosity. The way you see the world. Eventually, you start doing the policing for them. And that's when something significant happens. You stop askin

One of the things I have come to understand about relationships is that they don't always stay the same. People change. Circumstances change. Responsibilities change. And sometimes, we change. Our capacity changes. Our priorities change. Our understanding of ourselves changes. And as we heal, the way we experience and participate in relationships can change too. This is one of the reasons I created the Contact Continuum™. The Contact Continuum™ isn't about putting someone int

Hi, readers! Are you curious yet? Well, I hope you are. And I encourage you to engage in conversation because here on this webpage, I want this to be a safe place to have hard conversations about things that mean a lot to us—relationships. So, let's have one. Here’s what I want to say to you first: There are going to be hiccups. There are going to be slip-ups. There are going to be things that trigger you, especially when you have experienced complex trauma. There will be: “I

You Don't Have to Lose Yourself to Love the People You Love There is something I have been thinking about lately. Sometimes the people we love come home, and even when we are happy to have them there, our entire rhythm changes. I am experiencing that right now. My son is home, and I love him. I have missed him. I am grateful to have him back. And yet, if I am being completely honest, the transition has been harder than I expected. Because while he was away, I had a rhythm. I